Posted by: fosteringcare | July 24, 2010

Churning Emotions

When a foster family says “Yes” to taking a teenager, they stamp your file “Sucker” and send them all to you! 🙂

          Nobody realized it at the time, but we found our “calling” when we said yes to taking a 13-year-old girl as our next foster child. She began the trend for the next ten years of teenage girls coming and going through our home.

           Being a very…shall I say…outgoing child, the thought of having another girl close-ish to my age was wonderful. I was more than willing to share my room, imagining the fun and late-night talks we would have, a little bit unsure of what she would be like and if we would get along. When she was brought to us, she came with a big, black trash bag and her school backpack. That was it.  A social worker had picked her up from school, made a 10 minute stop at her house to let her grab a few things and came directly to our house. I’m sure she would have packed her backpack differently that morning if she had known what was going to happen. Later sitting in my room, she began to explain to me why she had to leave her home, that day. For whatever reason, she was finally able to tell a teacher that her father had been sexually abusing her and that her parents were using drugs. Of course the teacher reported it to the counsellor, and the Division of Youth and Family Services was called, before the end of the school day they came for her. Never had I known someone who had been sexually abused, or at least I didn’t KNOW they were, it was not talked about, yet here in my bedroom was this real-life girl, telling me the details of her experiences. My world was officially rocked.

          Processing the information I was given was almost impossible, my brain could not wrap around it all. That was when the guilt would come creeping in again…my life had been so “good”, hers had been so “bad”, I didn’t know what to do with that. She wore my clothes the next day since she hadn’t brought many, and she was enrolled in “my” school. My friends became her friends until she met new ones and my youth groups also became hers. We did get along most of the time, we did have fun and have many late-night talks, but as the weeks once again turned into months, my conflicting emotions churned up once more. Part of the problem was that everyone was constantly telling me how incredible my family was for doing this, for taking these children into our home. They were so impressed by my unselfishness and outwardly, I was. Logically, in my head, I knew this was a good thing, we were providing a safe place for her however long was needed…she had literally been through Hell, but in my heart I began to resent that she had invaded my life.



  1. Jane,
    I LOVE reading your posts. It’s like a story and I can’t wait until the next chapter. Miss you and Love you!

  2. Wow… I feel like by reading these I understand my kids and foster kids better! Thank you so much for your honesty.

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